A New Year has started and I am so excited about what events lie ahead. For those of you that follow my blog, you are aware that our adoption of young baby Gabrial should happen this year. We are so excited and mostly thankful to our Lord and Savior for his grace and favor during this past year.
On Thursday I need to video tape my testimony for the church to see on Sunday. I realize you won't be there to see it, so I decided to post some of my notes for you all to read.
Have a blessed day!
Chella
When we started going to Colorado Ridge I was a mess and needed to find a church that could accept a sinner. My family and I were going through some tough things and really needed the support of friends around us. In 2001 I was pregnant and not feeling well and knew something was wrong, Brian and I went to the hospital and while having a vaginal ultrasound watched the miscarriage of our baby. The next day I went to the doctor and was told, “ You have cancer, you have two choices I operate or You Die.†I told him the last time I checked he wasn’t Jesus and couldn’t tell me what day I was going to die, but he could be the surgeon and take out the cancer. He shook his head and left. I pulled myself together walked out of the room, and saw all of the pregnant women around me, I made my appointment for surgery and quietly walk out of the office. I opened my car door sat in the seat and had a complete melt down. I wondered if this was punishment for the miscarriage I had as a teenager? I asked GOD where are you? I then remembered the verse from Jeremiah 17 verses 7 and 8 at that time God ministered this to my heart: “ But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.â€
I then called Brian and told him the news. Needless to say due to my Stage 4 cervical cancer Brian and I would not have any children.
One of the hardest things I had to do was write letters to my children. Letters that were more like conversations to my children. Letters that were personal and difficult. Conversations about their first date, Their prom, Their wedding day, The birth of their children. The best day was when I found out I was 100% cancer free and was able to burn all of the letters in the fireplace.
In 2008 Brian and I attended classes to become Foster to Adopt parents, In May we finished our classes, In September we were certified, in October we got an amazing phone call. There is a baby waiting for you at the hospital. God is so awesome, he is in the details, it was Wednesday October 22, my entire family was home, the kids were home from school at noon, for the day and Brian was home for lunch. We loaded up the car and went to the hospital to go get the baby.
When Brian and I walked in to the NICU there was Gabe all 4 pounds 15 oz. Hooked to alarms, and tubes everywhere. They put him in my arms and I knew he was our baby. God put this baby in our lives (possibly temporarily) for a reason. This church has been a part of this journey from day one. From meals being brought to us, prayers for the bio mom to get clean and find Jesus so she could keep Gabe, and then finally praises that termination happened and we get to adopt Gabe.
We were presented Gabe’s history and were given the Adoption papers on October 2nd of the year we were so excited. Two hours later we received a phone call telling us that Gabe’s bio mom snuck in a last minute appeal. I went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. All the fear of not keeping him came back and I lost it. Tuesday at our Life Group, I was able to confess my mess, and was loved. My friends prayed for our family, for me, and for Gabe. We are still waiting for the final adoption date, but I can promise you that when that day comes, we will be having a huge celebration and all of Colorado ridge will be invited.
Some things that I have learned here at Colorado ridge is that it is ok to ask for help. It is ok not to know the answer. It is ok to say NO. My life group has also given me the confidence to reach out and help others with my passion in life saving money. Because of the support of my life group I actually held a class on Frugal living, Grocery shopping, and Freezer Cooking.
When you ask me what is your favorite words in the bible my answer is always BUT GOD because I am filthy BUT GOD loves me anyway, I am fearful BUT GOD will take care of me. I am lonely BUT GOD is right next to me waiting to have a conversation with.